


Bad advice and yammering brats

by DrBlueneck



Category: Naruto
Genre: And everyone's advice suck, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Ino is a BAMF, Naruto doesn't understand girls, Neither does Sasuke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 20:54:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10975143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrBlueneck/pseuds/DrBlueneck
Summary: Naruto went on, oblivious, “I need some real good advice, believe it!”“Oh?” the Fourth played along, faking a thoughtful frown. “How so?”“Well, there’s this girl. And I really wanna be her friend. But I kinda punched her. And now she hates me! How do I fix this?!” the child yelled, fists buried in his disheveled hair.(Or, a blond brat tries to befriend another blond brat while following useless advice.)





	Bad advice and yammering brats

**Author's Note:**

> This is not proofread. Except some typos and grammar mistakes.   
> Maybe I'll come back to correct them when I get time off uni...

“Say what, you hag?” a short-blond-haired girl screeched, tapping a foot on the ground, an imperious finger pointed at another girl.

 

She was standing in front of another blond kid sprawled on the floor, staring with befuddled eyes at the scene unraveling in front of him.

 

“I said get lost, Yamanaka! We weren’t talking to you!” the brown-haired snarled.

 

“Well, excuse me for stepping in when a classmate is being harassed by a bunch of stalkers. I’m sure Hokage-sama will be real pleased to learn about it.” There was a smirk on the Yamanaka’s face that made the other girls gulp in fear.

 

Everybody knew attacking Minato Namikaze’s son was a no-no – not because the Hokage would be pissed off, but because Kushina was sure to get on her high horse and kick asses.

 

Naruto could only stare, mouth wide open, as the girls sniffed and scattered all the while muttering about the nosy Yamanaka. He stood up, dusted the back of his shorts and was about to thank the girl who came to help him, but was cut short when she briskly turned around, now pointing her finger accusingly at him.

 

“And you! You shouldn’t let them chase you around like that, man up a little, yeah? Tch.”

 

It was like all his awe was shattered as Naruto scowled, getting angry. “Hey! I didn’t ask you to do anything! I was handling it well on my own!”

 

“Right,” the girl drawled, flipping a short lock of hair away from her nose. “Keep telling you that, shorty.” She stuck her tongue at him, and walked away with her chin held high.

 

Naruto yelled at her retreating back, “I’m not short, believe it! It’s the rest of the world who's too tall!”

 

All the while, he ignored the weird flutters in his chest, attributing the blush on his cheeks to anger and embarrassment.

 

**xox**

 

“She’s loud, nosy, and thinks she’s always right!” Naruto whined to a Sasuke focused on his kunai-throwing.

 

It had been three weeks since he’d officially met Ino, and the two blonds seemed to clash more often than not. The boy had been moaning about the Yamanaka girl to all his friends, even forcing Shikamaru to actually profess himself neuter in all that debacle after Ino caught the boys talking about her nagging, prompting her to threaten the Nara with Yoshino’s legendary wrath.

 

Now, only Sasuke was willing to let him rant, even though his contribution to the conversation wasn’t what Naruto would call helpful. Meh. He’d take what is offered, though.

 

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say she’s your lost long sister,” the Uchiha muttered, readying his next throws.

 

“She’s not!” Naruto hissed, planting his face millimeters away from Sasuke’s who only blinked, bored. “We’re nothing alike! She’s a controlling witch, and I’m done with being made fun by her,” the blond seethed, shaking Sasuke by the collar of his shirt.

 

The dark-haired boy smirked, a mischievous glint in his black eyes. “Sounds like you’re taking notice of her,” he taunted. “Are you sure you’re not nursing a big, old, nasty crush, huh?”

 

“Say what?!” Naruto screeched, jumping on his friend.

 

The two tumbled to the floor, fighting like angry cats as they gripped at each other’s hair. At one point, Naruto took the upper hand and, sitting smugly on the Uchiha’s back while rubbing the boy’s head in the dirt, he chanted, “I didn’t hear? Are you apologizing, bastaaard?”

 

Sasuke spat out a tuft of weed and scowled. “Never!”

 

“Ah? What was that? You said Shisui-san is your favorite cousin? Ooooh, he’ll be so happy to learn that!”

 

Sasuke’s face instantly paled and he ceased all fight, letting the snickering blond manhandle him into a sitting position. It’s with a voice filled with bitterness and eyes promising revenge that he finally said, “Why don’t you show her who’s the boss? Girls love manliness.”

 

Naruto stared at him dubiously, and a long silence followed before he drawled, eyes narrowed into slits, “Are you quoting Obito-kun again?”

 

The other kid shrugged. “Doesn’t seem wrong this time. The fangirls at school keep talking about my ‘dashing muscles’.”

 

It was said so matter of factly and in a drone-like voice, that Naruto couldn’t help but burst into laughter. “Girls are crazy, I swear, bwahahaha!”

 

“Don’t I know it?” the Uchiha agreed with a long-suffering sigh.

 

**xox**

 

The next day, Naruto actually followed Sasuke’s advice. When he faced Ino in their inevitable stare-down, the boy went straight into the traditional Uzumaki taijutsu stance. He specifically chose to wear a sleeveless shirt today despite the chilly weather, just so Ino could stare in awe at his still-developing muscles.

 

And stare the girl did, but in horror, as the Uzumaki didn’t let her register the situation before he struck her hard in the stomach, proudly shouting, “Whirlpool Smash!”, sending the Yamanaka flying into a desk.

 

She fell limply to the floor in the utterly silent classroom.

 

Naruto tilted his head to the side, fist still raised. “Er, Ino? You alright, there?”

 

There was a loud smack, and everybody turned towards Shikamaru who had his face cradled into both of his hands, smothering a moan as he approached the scene, gently nudging the KO’ed blond with his foot.

 

“Naruto, you’re so dead when Inoichi-san will learn that,” the Nara remarked as Sakura jolted out of her stupor, slapped the Uzumaki so hard that his head could’ve swiveled twice, and marched towards her fallen friend to hoist her on her back.

 

“Stupid Naruto! Wait till I tell sensei you attack people outside of official matches! You’re so done for!” the civilian-born seethed like an angry snake, making the blond boy recoiled in fear.

 

“Ah, wait, wait! It’s all a mistake! I just wanted to show her how strong I am!” Panicked, he turned to Sasuke, who tried to pretend he wasn’t standing right next to his dunce of a friend. “Tell ‘em Sasuke, you’re the one who told me to do so!”

 

Sasuke laughed nervously when Sakura turned narrowed eyes on him. “Me? Nooo, I would _never_. Naruto, I think you misunderstood me.”

 

With that, Sakura hissed, “And you’re lying about Sasuke-kun, too? You’re _dead meat_ , Uzumaki!”

 

That very same day, when Naruto went home, Kushina didn’t waste a minute before brutally showing her son how to treat women correctly, while Minato winced in sympathy.

 

The next day, the young Uzumaki was nursing a sore bum in spite of his famed fast-healing. Kushina had been very thorough with her lesson! She’d made him sworn to apologize to his classmate, and when Naruto limped into the classroom, he was quite ready to do so, aware of his own mistake. It was the last time he listened to the bastard Uchiha, ha! Maybe he’ll sic the rabid fangirls on him, next time they asked about his whereabouts…

 

Lost in his thoughts, he never saw Ino coming right at him, and he had a split second to see the fury in her clear blue eyes before she delivered the meanest right hook ever, dislodging a tooth. “That’ll teach you to be an ass, stupid! Bleeeh!” she yelled, her middle finger tugging at an eyelid while she stuck her tongue out.

 

At that precise moment, Naruto knew he fell a little bit in love with the crazy, fierce blond.

 

**xox**

 

He had tried. Naruto had really tried to make up for the past mistakes and quarrels, but Ino wasn’t ready to change her views on the Uzumaki who now chased her anywhere she went, yelling “Ino-chaaan, I really just wanna talk, believe it!” or “Ino-chaaan, what about going to eat ramen together?”

 

Disheartened, the blond seven-year-old hung onto the Hokage’s table, chin digging into the wood and feet barely touching the ground. The coming and going shinobi could only stare in mild amusement, while the hidden ANBU didn’t even bother hiding their mirth, badly stifled snickers reaching the Hokage’s ears every now and then as he smiled gently at his sulking son.

 

“Naruto-chan,” he started with concern, and the kid perked up at the attention, “if you continue, you’ll drill a hole in the table. The _ancient_ , _very_ expensive table.” The soft smile never left Minato’s lips, and even widened when the blond kid slumped down, even more depressed.

 

“Daaaad, who cares about an old table! You’re supposed to ask me what’s wrong, and how to make it all betteeeeer,” the kid whined, glassy blue eyes looking up at the amused father.

 

“Really now?” asked a bemused Minato, eliciting new laughter from his shinobi when the boy’s eyes actually watered. “Now, now, I’m only jesting. Though, you know Naruto-chan, that when in this office, only shinobi queries are made,” the man gently admonished.

 

Quickly understanding, Naruto stood to attention like he saw Kakashi do on many occasions, clumsily bowing. Minato was about to stop his son and ask him to wait until they were home to ask for whatever he wanted, but Shikaku, his trusted adviser, actually forestalled him and said, “At rest, student. Please, state your business.”

 

His face had been as serious as ever, but anybody who worked with him could sense the underlying amusement in the Jounin commander’s voice. Not Naruto, though, who eagerly nodded and proclaimed in a loud voice, “Hokage-dad!” at that, Minato facepalmed while the ANBU guards actually burst out laughing, but Naruto went on, oblivious, “I need some real good advice, believe it!”

 

“Oh?” the Fourth played along, faking a thoughtful frown. “How so?”

 

“Well, there’s this girl. And I really wanna be her friend. But I kinda punched her. And now she hates me! How do I fix this?!” the child yelled, fists buried in his disheveled hair.

 

Shikaku chuckled, a hand coming to play with his beard. “Ah, that’s why Inoichi was so mad last month. Kept saying some punk hurt his princess… Never thought it was your work, Naruto-kun. Hurting a comrade, how shameful,” he tutted, wagging a finger.

 

Naruto gulped down, twiddling his fingers. “It was an accident, honest…!”

 

“My, my,” Minato sighed with disappointment, making the pre-Genin flinch. “Misuse of family techniques on a fellow shinobi of the Leaf; engaging in a taijutsu match out of a teacher’s range; said taijutsu match being actually recognized as alleged assault…”

 

As the list went on, the poor boy began sweating bullets. Maybe he should’ve waited for the man to be home, out of his Hokage cloak and back in his dotting father uniform, before bothering him with his issues. Come to think of it, the teachers back at the Academy only gave him detention, and Ino’s father never asked for an audience with the Hokage…

 

Taking pity on his son, Minato crossed his arms and leaned back on his chair. “You’re lucky Inoichi-san decided that Ino-chan was tough enough to take care of the problem on her own. And you can thank your mother later for teaching her how to punch accurately,” he smirked as the kid swallowed painfully. “Now,” the Hokage continued, “I think that the best thing to do to befriend Ino-chan would be to show how genuine you are in your endeavor. Maybe you could compliment her, and assert your honest feelings by standing equal with her.”

 

The kid stared blankly at his father, and Shikaku explained, “Grovel till the woman’s fed up of your whining and takes you back.”

 

“Ah, I see!” Naruto nodded, snapping two fingers before hurrying out the office while Minato cried after him, altering between calling his son back and scolding Shikaku, “Wait! Come back, that’s not— What the hell, Shikaku?! Don’t give advice based on your own lame lifestyle!”

 

“Eh? Wasn’t it what you did?”

 

“What?”

 

“Well, yeah, sounded a lot like your ten-year-plan on how to woo Kushina-san,” Shikaku mocked, eliciting new snickers from the hidden shinobi who soon squealed when kunai were thrown at their crotches.

 

**xox**

 

“… and that’s why, please, Ino-chan, accept me back!” Naruto screamed at the top of his lungs, sitting in a seiza position, bowing his head to each of his word as if to emphasize them.

 

All their classmates were looking at the two blondes, happy to have the follow up of their daily soap opera. Ino, aware of the unwanted attention, tried to put distance between them but then, Naruto latched onto her ankle, making her drag his body around.

 

She kicked him in the chin, but he held on, and the girl could feel a vein popping on her brow. “Naruto, dumbass, come on, get _up_ ,” she hissed through a tensed smile.

 

“Say you’ll take me back, then!”

 

Leaving all pretense behind, Ino kicked and kicked, rage bleeding into her screech, “What are ya talking about, you weirdo?! Lemme go alreadyyyyy!!”

 

The following weeks, nursing a newly bruised ego, Naruto could be found erring like a ghost in his own home. Depressed, the boy dragged his chair closer to Kakashi who’d invited himself over, climbed onto it and proceeded to slump against the older teen’s side, burying his face in the Jounin’s shirt.

 

“Kashiiii...” he groaned, pawing at the man’s arms to divert his attention from the strategy book he was engrossed in. “Kashi-nii… Dad’s advice suck...”

 

“Hmm, tell me about it,” Kakashi muttered distractedly, turning a new page.

 

Kushina snorted from where she was stirring a pot. “Hear, hear,” she agreed.

 

Naruto peeked from where he was attempting to slide under the teen’s shirt to leech on his warmth, and said with puppy eyes, “But you’re so cool, Kashi-nii, I know you’ll give me great ones! Right?”

 

That was when Kakashi made the tactical error of looking at his sensei’s son right in the eyes – baby blues shining with stars, soft, ruffled blond hair catching on dark lashes. The kid kept blinking, a wide smile stretching his mouth, and Kakashi could almost see the puppy tail wagging.

 

Fondly, he reached out and started petting the boy who hummed in contentment, rubbing a tiny cheek on a broad, warm chest. The happy petting was cut short when Kushina turned an icy smile on Kakashi, chirping in a fake, cheery voice, “Kakashi-kun, what have I told you about treating my son like one of your dogs?”

 

“Kashi-nii gives me treats when I’m good!” said-son piped up with a bit of drool falling from his mouth.

 

With a sigh, the red-head slightly bopped both boys on the back of their heads. “You’re really socially inept, Kakashi-kun,” she lamented.

 

“What does that mean?” Naruto asked, sneakily climbing on the teen’s legs, forcing him to resume his petting.

 

“Basically, it means I’m not good at dealing with people.”

 

At that, the blond looked crestfallen. “Eh? But! I needed your help with a girl!”

 

He could see a smile stretching Kakashi’s lips under his ever-present mask. The boy jumped onto the table, ready to receive Kakashi’s words of knowledge as the man lifted a finger, like he always did when giving him lessons, and Naruto paid his utmost attention.

 

“Ah, well, if it’s only that – from my readings, I would suggest to lift her skirt u—”

 

He was cut off by a swift punch from Kushina, which sent him crashing into the wall. In the same motion, the red-head took Kakashi’s seat and leaned forward on both her elbows, grinning warmly at her son. “If it’s about a girl, I think your awesome mom is the best person to talk to, yeah?”

 

Wide eyed and cheeks growing pale, Naruto quickly nodded. “Of course, mom, believe it!”

 

“Tell me more about this girl! Is it Ino-chan?” Kushina smirked, playfully poking at her son’s blushing cheek.

 

“Yeah… She won’t be my friend, even after I apologized and all...”

 

The kid was so depressed that all his body lurched forward, until his head met Kushina’s shoulder in a soft bump.

 

“Well, I can see only one solution!” the red-haired loudly proclaimed while Kakashi was finally getting back to his feet, probing at his skull to feel the damage.

 

Naruto perked up, shiny eyes looking adoringly at his mother. “What is it? What is it?”

 

She smiled and tousled his hair fondly. “Just be yourself. And if after that, she’s still not your friend, than humbly accepts your defeat and move on!”

 

“That’s such a mom-thing to say,” Kakashi muttered from his corner of the room, glaring balefully at Kushina who smiled her fake smile again, making him shiver.

 

“Are you so eager to kiss my fist again, Kakashi-kun?”

 

**xox**

 

This time, Naruto decided to wait for the weekend to make his move. Everyone kept looking at him during classes, wondering why the boy avoided the Yamanaka heiress, going as far as to hide from her. They all were disappointed when no new clash happened, and Ino looked at the Uzumaki with suspicious eyes before shrugging it off and happily enjoying her days free of drama.

 

When Saturday came, Naruto was buzzing with anxious energy, waiting for his dad to wake up. When the clock struck 7 and both parents were still asleep, Naruto barged into the dark bedroom and climbed onto the back of his father who grunted.

 

“Dad,” he whispered while bouncing on Minato’s spine. “Daaaad, wake up!”

 

“Wha- Naru-chan… let daddy sleep for a few more hours, yeah?” the father implored. He was not ashamed to say tears were forming in his eyes – being Hokage was fucking tiresome, okay?

 

Naruto turned equally teary eyes on his father who faltered. “But dad… I need my allowance for Ino!”

 

Minato froze, not sure to understand the implications of his son’s words. “Wait. Naruto. Are you being bullied or something?”

 

Oh God. Was it why his son was so keen on pleading the Yamanaka girl to be his friend, so that she wouldn’t extort him anymore?!

 

“What? Nooo! I’m way too strong to be bullied!” the boy sniffed, outraged. “I need the money to buy something for Ino.”

 

Minato moaned into his pillow and banged his head onto it several times. From the corner of his eyes, he could see Kushina sleeping peacefully on her back, and he glared at her, envious. He was almost tempted to kick her legs just so he wouldn’t be the only one to suffer so early in the morning.

 

Naruto bounced on his back again, making him hiss in pain, and vengeful, he kicked his wife’s legs who briskly sat up, startled.

 

It took her a second to understand what was happening, and bloodshot eyes bored into Minato’s.

“You little...”

 

“Your son is awake,” he groaned.

 

She gently smiled at the oblivious Naruto, picked him up and placed him further on the bed before turning murderous eyes on her husband and pounced on him, hands outstretched as if they were claws.

 

Later, the little family was sitting in the kitchen, eating a light breakfast.

 

“So, what are you going to buy for Ino-chan, son?” Minato inquired, grabbing a napkin to clean the boy’s cheeks.

 

“It’s a secret!”

 

 _Eh. Let’s just hope it’s not something deadly or creepy_ , the man thought with a strained smile.

 

Kushina made sure the kid finished his plate and cleaned up his face before letting him run back to his father, hands forming a cup, bouncing on the balls of his feet in impatience. Minato sighed and gave his son a handful of coins.

 

“Be careful not to lose your money, okay?”

 

Naruto yelled “yeah!” before sprinting out of the house under the worried stare of the Hokage hoping for no more drama to trouble his days at the office, and the amused eyes of Kushina.

 

It didn’t take him long to arrive in the merchant district, people already milling around the place; looking for the best sales. He traipsed around, giving smiles and waves at the villagers around him, and soon, he was in front of the Yamanaka’s flower shop.

 

Taking a deep breath, the boy entered, the bell above his head ringing. He sneezed twice when the heavy scents of exotic flowers reached his nostrils, alerting the person at the counter of his presence. It was a tall – well, everyone was tall when your eyes could only read the thigh of adults – woman, brown hair tied in a bun. She was arranging a set of flowers, and smiled at him.

 

“Hello. Can I help you?”

 

Naruto shuffled forward, hands twisting in his shirt. He nodded his head several times. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “Is Ino-chan here?”

 

“She’s in the greenhouse tending to her flowers. Would you like me to call her?”

 

Again, the boy nodded his head, a deep blush staining his cheeks. The woman disappeared behind a door, and a few seconds later, came back with the blond girl in tow. Ino first scowled when she saw him before puffing her cheeks and reluctantly coming to meet him.

 

“Hi,” she said grumpily. A not-so-subtle cough from the woman – her mother, he assumed – and Ino was smiling widely, saying in a saccharine voice, “Hello, Naruto-kun! How glad I am to see you! Did you come to buy flowers?”

 

Naruto might have been an oblivious kid, but frankly, even he wouldn’t fall for such a ploy. Wary, he stepped back, and nervously said, “Hi… Er, I’m not really good at choosing flowers, so I wanted to know if you could help me?”

 

The girl’s demeanor changed entirely. Confusion was written on her face as she inquired curiously, “Are they for someone you like?”

 

Beet-red, Naruto stuttered a ‘yes’ and Ino grinned. When she wasn’t hostile to him, or parading around the Academy nose stuck in the air, she was kinda pretty.

 

“Oh, we have a new bunch that blossomed recently! I think they’ll do.”

 

She grabbed his wrist and dragged him through the far-end of the store where dozens of pots sat with flowers reaching out of them. It was an explosion of colors, going from the purest white to the deepest of blues. Naruto looked mesmerized at the display – it was like the time he threw paint bombs at the Hyuuga’s compound walls, but this time, in a much more elegant and artistic way.

 

Touching a pink petal from a rose, Ino said, “Did you know that flowers have a meaning?”

 

“Eh? Really?!”

 

The girl nodded her head and held a finger, taking an air of importance and wisdom. “Yes. So be careful when you choose, otherwise, you might insult the person you’ll give the flowers to!”

 

Naruto blanched and recoiled from the plants, as if facing a dangerous wall full of explosive tags. “I wanna tell… I want to be friends. Believe it!”

 

Thoughtful, Ino tapped a finger against her chin before reaching for a pot with tiny, yellow-green flowers. She gently plucked some, adding bright red flowers in the midst. She arranged it in a round bouquet, with a white ribbon tying the stems, then presented it to the boy who clumsily took it.

 

“What are they?” Naruto asked while inspecting the plants.

 

“The tiny ones are ivy, they can mean many things, and _friendship_ is one of them. The red ones are tulips, they mean _believe me_!”

 

They walked to the front of the store, but Ino’s mother was nowhere to be seen. Shrugging, the girl went behind the counter and rung the Uzumaki’s purchase.

 

“I hope their receiver will like them,” she declared with a grin.

 

“I hope too! So… Ino-chan. I really want to be your friend, believe me!” He said with a bright smile, handing back the bouquet to the stunned girl.

 

Years later, when thinking back of this moment, Ino knew this was when Naruto Uzumaki caught her heart.

 

She took the flowers and cuddled them to her chest. “Alright! But you better keep your punches and pranks to yourself, I’ve had enough of them already! Otherwise, I’ll tell everybody how you confessed to me and I rejected you.”

 

Bug eyed, the boy cried, “Say what?! This never happened!”

 

Ino smirked and shrugged. “Your word against mine, shorty.”

 

“I’m not short! It’s the rest of the world who’s too tall, believe it!”

 

The blond girl laughed, and the blond boy pouted.

 

They could already tell that this friendship would blossom into something great.

**Author's Note:**

> And when they’re twenty or some crap like that, he proposed to her in the flower shop, with a frankly ugly bouquet meant to convey his feelings. She laughed her ass off at the horrendous arrangement, but still married his sorry, clumsy ass. A match made in heaven, really.
> 
> So, yeah, I just wanted to write that one shot, I really like these two blondes together, they’re funny. And I don’t get to write kid!Naruto often, so it was a real treat for me! (I love writing kids. They don’t have useless drama like adults: they do what they want without overthinking, and that’s great.)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this one! I loved writing it, it was a good break for my other stories and from real life… I REALLY needed that breather!
> 
> Drop a word on your way out, and I’ll be happy to answer :D


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